Relationships and Erasmus?

My degree has a compulsory Erasmus/study abroad programme. Which was great and exciting until I had to start making real life decisions about it. I'm in a fairly new relationship and I need to decide whether I'm willing to the whole long distance thing.

You might think why am I making this decision so early when I'm not leaving until August. Well its simple there is no way in hell I am getting on a plane and moving life to Holland fresh from a break up with no support system around me. So this week I had that talk with my boyfriend.

I've decided I am willing to give it go but my boyfriend asked that I really think about so I'm sure I am making the right decisions so here it goes;

There are certainly pros to be single, not having to worrying about texting or skyping, the prospect of holiday romances, the feeling that anything can happen, and really total freedom. While all this sounds great there are few questions I have to ask myself.

Do I love my boyfriend? Yes
Do I want to break up? No
Will I be tempted to cheat? No
Is it going to be easy? No
Will it be worth it? I sure hope so.

For me they were the only questions I needed to answer. Believe me I am under no illusions that going to Holland single would be a a lot easier but just because its easier doesn't mean its right.

I have no idea if I'm making the right decision? I have no idea if we will even last until August. But for now I am going to be doing the long distance relationship starting in August. So wish me luck.

Life Update

Placement is going extremely well, I've meet so many amazing people and I am truly loving my time at GROW. My summer plans are shaping together nicely, at the moment they are to continue volunteering in GROW until the end of June and then to volunteer in a summer camp run specifically for children with disabilities, then August consists of my 21st and then the big move to Holland for 4 months. 

It hit me today how freaking scared I am about going to Holland, I know I'm going with my friend and it will be amazing but oh god I am terrified!! 

My blog has been going terrible I realise, as much as I hate to admit it I am not a blog person, it just isn't be I am too tired and not nearly dedicated enough! Plus I'm useless at all the editing business so my blog just looks so bland compared to everyone elses. 

Its St. Patricks weekend as you all know, I'm heading to Cork tomorrow to my boyfriends and I'm sure we'll head out on Sunday, are any of you doing anything unusual? I usually find Paddys day crap, there's this unrealistic expectation that it is going to be great night, rarely works out like that for me. I'm quite scared about going to my boyfriend its the first time I'll be there without back up from my other friends and anyway it is only my second time being there! So wish me luck, I'm pretty useless at all this family business anyway. 

X

Anxiety

I have always for as long as I can remember been a nervous person. Up until recently I didn't understand that  actually the level of this nervous-ness or anxiety wasn't quiet normal ( we aren't meant to say normal, but you know). Since starting my placement, I've working with people with anxiety disorders and those who suffer panic attacks. I think now that feeling that has always been in the background of my life is low level anxiety. I'm learning breathing techniques and other skills to reduce and help me with my sleeping, or lack of it. Obviously it isn't a major problem, and it doesn't cripple me the way it can for other people but it is nice to know I don't always have to feel worried about something.

Placement is going great, I  wrote a big post on it but some how it got deleted and a mixture of being busy and lazy meant I never rewrote it. So basically it is going good, I'm getting a lot of experience and a huge insight into the lives of those who are affected my mental health problems.

So this is the done thing...

Twenty facts about me

So I've seen quite a few people doing this so I thought I'd give it a go.

1.  Although I was dreading turning twenty last August, at the moment I'm feeling really excited for my next birthday. Maybe it is because I'm turning twenty-one, or because I'm generally happier this year or because I get to have a big party!! Probably a combination of them all. 
2. At the moment I'm obsessed with Paloma Faith. At the minute I'm listening to this. 
3. I think, at last, I am finally beginning to grow up. I'm becoming more confident, I'm happy living away from home, and I think I may be starting to grow out of my home-town. 
4. I've suffered with depression in the past. 
5. I'm in a pretty new relationship, in which I live with my boyfriend. 
6. I just starting placement in GROW a mental health organisation. 
7. I'm stone broke at the moment, waiting for my is torture   
8. I'm going to Holland in September, Tilburg to be exact, for four months. Anyone ever been? Advice?
9. I am a jealous person. I hate this about myself and I'm constantly trying to keep it in check.
10. I don't like tattoos. 
11. I love piercings- I have my ears done twice,my nose and my bellybutton. 
12. I suffer from eczema and its been particularly bad for the last couple of months. 
13. If I ended up dying alone with cats, I think I would be happy.
14. I'm a completely book worm! I always welcome suggestions so if any of you are reading anything good at the moment let me know!
15. I wear glasses. Although I often forget to bring them to the places I need them the most
16. My favourite clothes shop is Urban Outfitters.
17. I really only got over the fact I didn't do as well as I wanted in my Leaving Cert (Irish A levels) in the last couple of months. 
18. I pretty much hated college for the first four months.
19. I can be over critical at times, some times I feel like I'm always saying the negative thing. 
20. I'm pretty crap at blogging. 

How about 2016?

I never would have thought that my life would be planned out three summers in advance. Talking with friends about our plans for the future and travel has made be realise it isn't going to be as easy as I first anticipated to travel with my friends. There is; every ones compulsory placements, eligibility for visas, volunteering needs and every ones personal preferences to keep in mind when planning all this. Before you think that I'm being unrealistic wanting to spend each summer with my school friends, and that I need to grow up sometime, I'm not, all we really want is one good summer together before the shit hits the fan and we have to pretend like we are real adults.

This summer 

I'll be on placement until June 28th, this obviously rules out any major travelling and possible even a holiday. Usually I'm the type of person who immediately sulks at the prospect of not getting a holiday during the year, but I think its about time to grow up and realise that I can't have everything. If I don't get to see the sun this year I won't be too upset since come September I'll be heading to Holland for 3/4 months, and who can complain about that?  

Since placement is only twenty hours a week, I'm going to have a lot of time on my hands. The plans are to get a job so I can stop wasting my time coming home every weekend for forty quid, in my current job, when it costs me that much to get home.  I've handed out my CV but so far nothing! If I get a job, I'll stay in Limerick until August, come home have my 21st and then pack my bags for Holland! 

Tilburg, Holland- where I''ll be spending 3/4 months. 

Summer 2014

I had planned on going on my J1 ( work and travel visa for the US) but my friends are tided up with placements and I don't fancy going on my own to much, plus its a thing we always said we would do together. So with this in mind, I'm going to try and volunteer for most of the summer. I need so much volunteering to have a chance at gaining entry to a clinical psychology PHD. Hopefully I'll be able to get some paid work as well but at the moment if I could spend the summer volunteering for ISPCC and for NIID, along with my placement this year in Grow my CV should be looking good. Two or three of my friends will be abroad on placements so I should get some short breaks away in. 

Summer 2015

This will be the summer after my final year in university, as it stands the plan is a J1. Where, who with and doing what, is all undecided but I'm sure it will be unforgettable  New York and San Fran are my ideal choices but I haven't looked into it to much.I would love to travel around and see a lot of the huge country, but who knows, it all depends on jobs and money (then again doesn't everything).  If any of you have experience of travel the states, or of living in NY or San Fran or of J1s in generally, I'd love to hear what you have to say. 

Since after the summer of 2015 I have to start thinking about post grads and real life jobs and the whole being an 'adult' who knows if I'll have time for all the other things I'd love to do like; inter railing through Europe, back packing around Asia, Australia for a year, the WIP Program, Island hopping in Greece and countless other things I've dreamt about. 

Here we go....again

The amount of times I've sat down and said to my self ' I'll start a blog' I usually get as far as one or two posts. However,  this time its for real, or least I hope so. So why now? Well I'm currently enduring the most boring week of my life, I also won't be back at university until September as I'm on placement and I want to try and maintain my writing at a reasonable standard and mainly because I like you people in the social media world much more than most of the people I encounter each day.

I don't want to fill this Blog with mindless ramblings, that's what my twitter and tumblr are for. If you are interested in the crap I come up with on a daily basis then follow them as well! This blog hopefully will have slightly more substance, I plan to write once a week or that and try and keep it some-what interesting.

Feel free to leave comments or pop me a email at any time. I'm always grateful for correspondence.